How to Keep a Mistress

"Shower her with gifts"

“Shower her with gifts”

Looking to level up in having an affair? That means it’s time to hit up the highest class of relationship holy grail. The greatest of all status symbols for the successful man: having a mistress. Having a mistress is hard; if you don’t have all your shit together and a certain level of income you can just forget about it. We’re not talking about down and dirty affairs, we’re talking about a dedicated side lady, someone who is there for your needs and your needs alone. To have this going on in your life you’re going to have to have a few things ironed out right from the start.

Treat Her Like an Employee

You need to set firm boundaries with the mistress, especially if you have no intention on leaving your wife. She needs to know from the very start of the affair what she is to you and how you plan on running the relationship. You’re the CEO, you’re the boss, and she’s on your payroll to handle what you need her to. Give her a specific phone number to reach you at and times that she can if she needs something. The moment you let her bleed into your home life is the moment you’re going to lose control of the situation. You need to be clear that you’re only keeping her around for some sex and attention. This may seem very cold, but you have to approach a mistress professionally.

But Treat Her Like Your Favorite Employee

"Treat her real nice"

“Treat her real nice”

Treat her like gold. We’re totally serious. Be kind to her, make sure that her needs are met when she needs them. Just because you have set boundaries with her doesn’t mean that you get to treat her like shit. Give her presents, take her nice places, and make sure that she knows that you appreciate what she does for you. Most women who are open to being someone’s mistress just wants to have a cushy life where they laze around a nice apartment, go to nice dinners, and get to spend their time relaxing. In exchange they’re going to go out of their way to please you in bed. Remember, if she’s hot (and she SHOULD BE) you’re not her only option. You’ve got to keep her happy enough to not make her look for greener pastures.

Keep an Account for Her

This is where the income level of income comes into play. Look, having a mistress isn’t cheap. The better the mistress the more dough you’re going to have to be willing to part with. We advise that you give her her own bank account in both of your names. Toss money into it every month, or whenever you feel like rewarding her. Let her know that the money in the account is hers to do whatever she wants with. It’ll make her feel like she’s got a level of control and it will also assure that your mistresses isn’t scraping the bottom of the barrel. At the end of the day, she’s a status symbol; you need to put money into her so she can show off.

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