With all the surveillance on us these days, how’s a guy supposed to have an honest, old-fashioned affair? Well, we’ll tell you how: you have to pick the places your wife would never suspect. Don’t doubt that she’ll check your credit card statement, your phone history, text messages and even e-mail if she knows your password, the moment she suspects you’re doing something on the DL. The best way to participate in activities that seem totally innocuous, but also have the potential of netting some hotties. It’s called hiding in plain sight, and it’s your best tactic for sexual survival.

Comic Book Conventions

Nerd girls come in two shapes: Wonder Woman and not-Wonder Woman. We think you can probably guess the type you should be watching for. Even better is the fact that a lot of nerd girls at comic book conventions will do something called cosplay, which is short for “costume play.” It’s not what you might first think, which is a fun, kinky sex game, but when fans of nerdy things like comic books or video games dress up as the characters. It sounds really weird, but can you imagine banging Wonder Woman? Yeah, exactly.
Conventions are a great place to meet hot women, because you get to scope out their assets in a leotard, and your wife would never in her wildest dreams think you’re going to some nerd fest to score chicks.

GoodReads

The Internet is an obvious place to meet ladies, but then you have to go through the whole process of covering your tracks and taking the chance that the girl is actually going to be as hot as her pics in person. Forget Internet dating and focus on what’s right in front of you. Let’s say you meet a hot girl at a mutual friend’s party. If you go up to her and try to flirt, she’s going to think you’re a creep, since it’s inevitable that everyone knows you’re married. If you go up to her and even try to make conversation, it might be a little weird, especially if your wife’s not there.
What you need to do is ingratiate yourself into a group with her, and introduce yourself. Go home without making a pass, and check out some of her info. If the party had a Facebook invite, she’s probably on it, or she’s at least friends with the host. See what you can glean from her Facebook profile, and most importantly, if she has a GoodReads account. Go through the steps of setting it up that you two “bump into each other” online, leaving a good review for the same book. This is the prime moment to strike up a conversation online and see if she’s game. Your wife would never think that your Internet activities while reviewing books are actually an attempt to score.
And don’t worry about actually reading any books… that’s what Spark Notes are for.

Open Mic Poetry Jams

There’s usually some kind of open mic event in any community, a city or small town, and they attract a lot of different types of people. You get your average, crunchy granola girls are there, but you can also see hot, young singer-songwriters. Little did they know there was a handsome, available guy on the scene. What you need to do is play up the sensitive card, and tell your wife that you think some culture might be a good influence in your life. Don’t encourage her to come with you. Make something up about how you’re having a spiritual awakening, or pick an event that happens on a night when you know she’s already busy. All those hot, young guitar-playing college girls are ripe for the picking, and you’re just the guy who can show them a true spiritual awakening.