“You should break up without hurting her”
If you started up any relationship with a woman, regardless of its nature as primarily sexual or even a bit romantic at times, you were probably attracted to her. Many men hear “attracted to” and think it only means romantically, but even being unable to get that cute blonde out of your mind or being unable to stop imagining what a night with that gorgeous redhead would be like is a form of attraction. Considering this, it’s not surprising to hear that there have been cases where that attraction has progressed into something a little more serious and when that happens, some men are understandably a little confused.
To put it bluntly, you have two options – go with the flow of things and allow your once fun, on-the-side fling become serious, or break it off before any further damage can be done. Going on with any romantic feelings you might have can be rewarding but can also be challenging for you – it may be difficult to ration the amount of time you feel that each woman deserves and having feelings and developing a sense of feeling that you HAVE to tell someone about it, meaning that your committed relationship might have to deal with finding out you were having an affair. You also run the risk of, even once they find out about each other, the women growing jealousof each other which can create unnecessary drama for you.
If you started the affair because you were unhappy in your current committed relationship, this might be a welcome break to you; in all honesty, developing romantic feelings for a woman you were having an affair with might just be the push that you need to start up a relationship with someone who will make you happier and make you feel better about yourself. Then it becomes a matter of you having to consider letting go of one relationship, or continuing to juggle both. It’s up to you, and for each individual, the right choice is different.
“Let her know that you don’t feel the same way as she does”
If you started an affair being satisfied with your current relationship, this might be the opposite of what you want. If you’re satisfied with the committed relationship you had at the start of seeking the affair and had reasons other than unhappiness to seek out another partner, unless something major has changed you’re probably still content where you are. If this is the case, then it’s probably in both of your best interests to go ahead and break it off before things get any more confusing. If she’s serious and you’re not, let her know that you feel that you don’t view the relationship the same way as she does and you think it would be best to end it. She might take it hard, and you might feel bad about it, but as long as you’re not cruel or insulting to her there’s no reason to feel guilty – after all, you do have to take care of yourself and your needs.