Side Jobs for Side Sex: Balance Your Budget

Affairs can be costly. No, we’re not talking about the fact that you might wind up royally screwing up and have to pay alimony. In fact, see our guide to turning getting caught into a win-win situation for more tips on avoiding the big D, even if you think things are going south.

The reason affairs can be so costly is simply that most of the girls who want to hook up with married men really like being spoiled. While that’s fine and easy for the first few dates, the numbers can really start to add up after a while. Yes, you won’t have to top yourself with each date the way you sometimes feel pressured to do in a long-term relationship, but you’re still going to feel the burn of the dates after a while.

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Don’t have affairs outside of your price range.

That’s step one when you’re figuring out how to pay for an affair. If you’re looking for one of the easiest ways to get caught, this is it: having an expensive affair makes it more likely you’ll get caught.

If you’re lucky enough to be the sole manager of your household monetary affairs, you can get away with a bit of slack. However, over 50 percent of couples in today’s society have a joint bank account. This means that your wife will be able to see every transaction, should she so choose. If you aren’t dating within your means, some issues are probably going to crop up.

If you can’t afford to keep your wife and your girlfriend, the girlfriend has to go.

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Get a less expensive girlfriend, dude. There are a LOT of girls who are willing to have an affair with a married man. We promise, you don’t have to pay their rent or for their college tuition.

If money is constantly tight where it shouldn’t be, you’re going to have an issue. Your wife will probably want to know where it’s all going, and that starts a trail of inquiry that you really don’t want her to follow. The easiest way to get caught is by doing something out of the norm, and that includes bankrupting your family to pay for an affair.

There is another option, one that will help you not get caught: Get a side job to afford the side piece.

It might seem like a lot of work, but it doesn’t have to be. Pick up a few hours doing some consulting work, or something else that relates to your field. An easy excuse for your wife is that you’re doing some volunteer work-wherever you end up working will probably have volunteer options.

You can always find another job. If you’re working too hard to be able to spend the time on another job, then you’d better hope you’re making enough to easily-and QUIETLY-divert some money from your joint account into a personal account, or at least be able to make some easy withdrawals from time to time during your affair.

Women cost money.

No, you cannot buy a woman. That’s illegal. However, just the simple act of taking a woman to the movies, one of the most well-known cheap dates in existence, can pile up quickly. By the time you factor in tickets, drinks, parking, transportation, and snacks, you can easily be dropping $50-$75 on this “cheap date,” and that’s without going to dinner first-which makes this a really shitty date.

There’s another aspect that makes having a side job a really good idea-no one knows how you’ll get paid. If you want to put your money in your joint account, you’re stupid. If you want to put it in a side, account, fine.

You should still pay for everything on these dates in cash.

If you’re taking a woman out once a month, pay for that once a month in cash. If you’re taking her out three times a week, pay for it in cash. If you feel the need to help out a girlfriend who’s in a tight financial situation-you guessed for it, give her cash.

Why is cash so important?

Cash is important because it’s untraceable. Even if you have a separate account from your wife, you’re still married to her. There are many financial institutions, especially if the tellers know that you’re married, that will allow a wife some access to her husband’s accounts. Your wife might find a copy of a bank statement, or you might accidentally leave it up online.

Regardless of whether it’s likely or not, it’s POSSIBLE that your wife could find out about your indiscretions through tracing your bank account, whether it’s a joint account or a private one. It’s IMPOSSIBLE for her to trace any withdrawals you make, and subsequently any cash purchases.

Throw your receipts away.

No, don’t throw them away at home. Throw them away elsewhere. Don’t be an idiot.

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